Marvel Swimsuit Special: An In-Depth Analysis Part II

The heat wave continues as we analyze more baffling beachside scenes featuring the likes of Iron Man, She-Hulk, and the Wasp (you'll want to stick around for that one, believe me). Catch up on Part I of our analysis here, then join Uatu in I as we do our best to understand Earth's Mightiest as they enjoy their spacecation. Please enjoy more after the jump, some of these photos are too hot for the front page (and too numerous). 

If it wasn't for her Spidey pattern towel, it would be easy to mistake Mary Jane for any number of other Marvel redheaded women. In the description it is implied that Peter invited her on this cosmic vacation, yet he apparently didn't make the cut for pinup depictions.

As my husband pointed out, "Why is there a child in this?" A sexy day at the beach does seem an unlikely place to see a child. Uatu observes, "…it's no wonder (daughter) Luna is carefree!" I guess she hasn't gotten a glimpse of mom's suit yet. Even Emma Frost would blush in those duds. Oh well, she should enjoy it while it lasts. This is after father Quicksilver accepts her as his child, but before he abandons her and her mother on the moon (oh, comics!). 

Just Tony Stark exploring some ruins with his reptilian companion. No big deal.

I'm happy to see Doctor Strange getting well-deserved attention from the ladies (especially in that suit - why wouldn't hordes of alien women worship that?). But frankly, this does seem a little out of character for the stoic sorcerer. I'm going to guess editorial received two illustrations of Tony Stark and decided to change one to Stephen Strange and call it a day.

Just look at the size of that ponytail! True to the form of the Marvel Swimsuit Edition, this is a character that you think is someone else, only to find out that it is in fact a long forgotten 90's character. In this case you're looking at Thunderstrike, who is like the Ben Reilly of Thor comics.

Gambit is so close, guys… to being seriously injured by Rogue's dangerous mutant powers! Uatu, ever the word smith, notes that Gambit looks "absorbed", even without touching his unrequited lover. Sorry, but that look of absorption is more likely an indication of Gambit's moon sized blue balls, a state that I'm sure he's gotten used to over the years. This is quite a cruel liaison being depicted and not the sexy fun time that should be had on moon beaches.

Lockjaw is so tired. I am not entirely comfortable with She-Hulk using the teleporting inhuman as a chair / personal transporter as is stated in the description. She may be full of rage and sexual energy when she is hulked out, but that is no excuse to take advantage of the gracious Pet Avenger. Also, I'm happy to see that Adam Hughes pays a lot more attention the faces of his ladies these days. This She-Hulk lacks the playful expression seen in Hughes' later depictions.

You know what I was saying about Adamn Hughes paying more attention to faces later in his career? As evidenced by this Scarlet Witch, I guess his bodies still needed a little more work as well. From the claw-like hands to the (no polite way to say this) obvious camel toe, I'm thinking maybe Mr. Hughes had one too many pin-ups in this collection to do them equal justice. Another oddity to observe is the setting. Is she lounging on the examination table of some Inhuman doctor's office? Seduction in the sickbay perhaps? 

Did you know that in the 90's Bruce Banner and his destructive alter-ego the Hulk lived harmoniously as one? Well, here is the result. A truly horrific scene of the Hulk primping while a concerned Betty Banner looks on. She is totally thinking, "I miss the old Bruce, the one that didn't gel his hair while hulked out."

This image of Spider-Woman, seen tangled in a gooey confusing mess (much like her continuity) might have newer readers thinking, "Jessica Drew sure looks different." Well, that's because this is Julia Carpenter, the third woman to claim the title of Spider-Woman. Despite the fact that the majority of her history she has been known as Arachne, Uatu talked it over with Marvel editorial first and decided that fact was irrelevant and thought better of calling her Spider-Woman. Just so we're clear, Jessica Drew starred in the 50 issue long ongoing Spider-Woman series, as well as the cartoon of the same name. Yep. They still went with Julia. I'd also bet money that artist Carl Potts used Kristy Swanson as a photo reference. 

Siryn, seen here enjoying a carefree afternoon of karaoke with her (then alive) father Banshee, knows how to rock a bathing suit with cape sleeves. That is just the first of many observations to be made. Equally noticeable is the painful annoyance expressed by the sole audience member who might possibly be Psylocke, or a random Inhuman. Things get more interesting when you notice the background players: a mystery man fleeing the duet's performance by flying away, and yes, Wolverine lurking in the thick jungle brush of the moon. I bet he's just dying to be asked to join in, but remains in the distance so as not to reveal his barely contained enthusiasm.

In the name of gods, what is that attached to Nova's face? Just ignoring for a moment that this is a Coppertone ad being played out underwater, that mask just outed Nova as a closeted serial killer. 

Well I always wondered how large the Wasp was as compared to a man's bulge - now we know! That rippled silver surface she's straddling implies there might be another package belonging to Colossus somewhere out of view…oh wait. PLEASE say it is out of view.

I wouldn't say we're saving the best for last, but there are some real doozies in the final installment of our Marvel Swimsuit Special coverage, so check back next week for more hardbodies and hard hitting analysis.